Warning: You’re not going to agree with me on some or all of these. That’s okay. That’s actually the first one! :)
1. DISAGREEMENT
It seems like most people try to agree. They try to find common ground, achieve alignment, come together, whatever. And sometimes that’s helpful because when you work together with someone, you tend to achieve more when everyone is moving in the same direction. Agreement is ingrained in us because every story (whether book, movie, TV show, etc.) is basically about people who disagree and then discover a resolution (sort-of an agreement, even if it involves explosions). We tend to agree with our heroes.
BUT… a dissenter is good. History is built on dissenters. Businesses are founded on dissenters. Even countries are founded on dissenters. We don’t always have to agree. Disagreements (when healthy) breed discussion and growth.
2. RISK
Risk is fascinating. I love studying risk! Most people’s ideas of risk are broken. The average stock market investor tries to reduce risk. We’re wired to avoid it.
But who are the most successful investors? They’re the ones who accept some level of risk. (Warren Buffett understands that there is risk in the market and he accepts it. Even though he’s thought to be a safe and risk-free investor, he’s actually not and it’s to his benefit). And here’s a great example of how people are insanely risk averse: So many people dream of quitting their job and starting their own business but they can’t take the risk of giving up that paycheck. (By the way: I have a solution for that. If you want to start a business without the risk of quitting your job, do this).
Risk is good. Period. Yes, it needs to be managed and monitored closely and it should always be in balance with reward but risk is a good thing. (I talk a lot more about this at the blog post Ideas about risk that we have totally wrong.)
3. MISTAKES
We want to avoid mistakes because we don’t want to look foolish. But mistakes are what help us innovate. I love making mistakes. If I’m not making mistakes, I’m not trying. (Here are 5 business failures I’ve had and what I learned from them).
My advice? Do more stuff. Make more mistakes. Love those mistakes and learn from them.
4. BULLIES
This will be perhaps my most controversial addition to the list. Even before hitting “Publish” on this post I was tempted to remove it. But here it is anyway.
I was bullied in school. It sucked. I wished it never happened and I have emotional scarring as a result. (Gosh, am I actually admitting this on my blog???) And I support how bully-intolerant we’ve become as a culture.
BUT… because of bullies, I am where I am today. They solidified who my friends were (and weren’t), they were a key factor in me moving to a different city in my late teens (which launched some very positive changes in my life), they showed me that the world isn’t always fair but I need to be a good person anyway, and they motivated me to do well in life as a sort-of revenge for how they made me feel in grade school and high school. (Where are they now? I have no clue, and I’m not about to devote any bandwidth to finding out. But success is sill the sweetest revenge).
5. BAD CLIENTS
Bad clients make you work hard and then pay as little as possible while complaining about it, or they disappear with out paying. Or they leave a bad review. Or they take advantage of your guarantee. It happens and it sucks and sometimes it causes some short-term financial pain.
But but clients strengthen your “jerk-o-meter” and help you know for next time. And I’ve learned that bad clients are also an indicator of your success: When you’re just starting out and you’re willing to accept any clients, you put up with the bad ones. But as you get to be more successful, your ability to say “no” to a client — to turn them away if you don’t think it’s a good fit — is an AMAZING feeling.
6. LACK OF MONEY
I’m mostly speaking about having a lack of money in business, although I suppose this also applies to personal life as well.
Being short of cash sucks. It feels like you’re handcuffed and can’t do everything you want to do in your business. You wonder how you’ll afford a key investment or how you’ll pay your staff this money or how you’ll pay yourself this month.
But, when your business is short of funds, it is a fantastic motivator to get your ass out of your seat and start selling. It refocuses you on the important stuff. Being short of funds alerts you to the fact that your expenses seem to outpace your income, so you need to take a closer look at those expenses and trim them, and you need to boost that income. A lack of money also forces you to get creative.
Several years ago my business ran out of cash when I got a MASSIVE tax bill that I was simply not prepared for. I had to buckle down and work HARD, putting in long days every day for months in order to cover the tax bill. It was a very dark period in my business. But the result was incredible: I learned a lot, I raise the bar on what I could achieve when motivated, and it even opened up a couple of new opportunities for me.
Business tends to run in cycles: During the fat times, you spend a lot and you don’t hustle as hard. During the lean times, you spend less and you hustle hard. And so it goes like that, back and forth and back and forth (this happens in the economy, too) and hopefully you learn enough in the lean times that you make the fat times less silly, and you put away enough in the fat times that you make the lean times a little less lean. But lean times are still good.
7. DEADLINES
My entire life is built around deadlines. Every week I jam out content like a maniac because of deadlines. I hate them.
But… there have been a few clients who have said, “oh, just get me the project whenever you can” and guess what happens. The project gets deprioritized over and over and over again. And my own projects (like my first book, and now like my second and third books) get pushed farther and farther back. Deadlines give us a goal and keep us focused.
8. DEATH
The death of loved ones is very painful. When family or friends pass away, we’re left with a hole in our hearts and our lives, and sometimes even a bit of regret that we didn’t get to spend more time with them.
But death is a kind of deadline. The ultimate deadline. I don’t say that to be morbid, I’m just tying it back to my previous point. Like any other deadline, death reminds us to live now. When someone I know has died, I find myself revisiting my own life and considering whether I’m living the life I should be living.
When my grandfather passed away just the day before my 35th birthday, I was (of course) very sad at the loss (although it was not unexpected as he’d been in ill-health for a while) but it made me reflect on the way he lived his life to the fullest and inspired me to do the same. And when my friend and business colleague Rod lost his life unexpectedly, I renewed the commitment I had made in several areas of my life that he had impacted. These are just two stories but I’ve experienced more myself and know of many other stories that are similar. In fact, I’m writing a book for a business that started when a couple made a commitment to a friend of their who died of cancer — it’s a fascinating story and one I hope you get to hear someday.
9. PAIN AND DISCOMFORT
No one likes pain. We’re wired to avoid it. Just look at anyone who thinks they’re about to be in pain and we see them throw all personal pride out the window — whether it’s a flinch from a near miss, or hearing a bee buzzing around your head, or hitting your thumb with a hammer… whatever. When there’s pain or we think there’s going to be pain, we react in a primal way.
Pain hurts, discomfort is uncomfortable. (Duh). We do what we can do avoid them because our DNA is embedded with a desire to reduce pain and discomfort and increase pleasure. Nothing wrong with that. And hopefully our businesses grow to give us more time and money to enjoy the pleasures of life.
But there is good that can come from pain and discomfort. Some of the examples I’ve listed above (bullies, death, lack of money) all cause some amount of pain or discomfort and I’ve shown how they can make us better. The most successful people are not those who avoid pain and discomfort but who find a way to get through in spite of it. The best business example I can think of is selling. Selling can be hard. when I first graduated from college I went into sales and struggled at first. And then, for some bizarre reason I ended up in financial sales where I was making cold calls and even selling door-to-door. At one point during that time, there was so much discomfort that I threw up all over myself in anxiety before going out to sell. (Why am I making all these crazy admissions in this post???). But I pushed through. I prevailed. And now? I feel like I can sell anything. I can navigate my way through a sale confidently and comfortably because I pushed through the discomfort.
Or here’s another example: When you’re just starting out in your business and not sure how to do something. At first it takes you a bit of time and it seems difficult and slow. After a while, though, if you can push through the discomfort without giving, it becomes easy.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I’ve listed many things that suck. But they’re also awesome, not because of what they are or what they put us through… but because of what we become as a result. We become better people — stronger, more resilient, with renewed focus, and a sharper desire to succeed.
So accept and embrace those challenges and push through because the other side is better.