Letter to Steve Jobs from the devil


January 1997

Dear Mr. Jobs,

Congratulations on your return to Apple. I received your letter expressing concern over your lack of marketable ideas and was quite interested in your proposal offering your soul in exchange for some compelling products.

I think I can help. I’ve got some top-notch people in Hell’s Idea Kitchen and I’ve told them to develop brands and products that Apple can offer its customers. Our plan is to first build a legion of devoted followers and then provide you with a line-up of products and brands for a phased roll-out over the next couple of decades.

We’re thinking of clean looking designs with intuitive functionality. We think a brand with the selfish “i” prefix would fit really well here: iTunes, iPhone, iPad, etc. We can dialogue on this but I’ll have my people put together a quick PowerPoint Keynote on our ideas.

I’ve enclosed a contract to solidify the exchange of your soul for our ideas. Sign it and fax it back to 666-HELL at your earliest convenience.

Oh, I also received your note about not owning enough shirts. I respectfully disagree: Black looks good on you and I’ve enclosed several more black shirts as a gift. You’ll find they fit perfectly.

On a personal note, I love the “Apple” brand. I’ve always had an affinity for apples since the Garden of Eden, so I think there’s a potential brand alignment here!


The Dark Lord of the Underworld

PS, In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that I have a separate agreement with Bill Gates.

Published by Aaron Hoos

Aaron Hoos is a writer, strategist, and investor who builds and optimizes profitable sales funnels. He is the author of The Sales Funnel Bible and other books.

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